Virtuous Woman Booklet

The beauty of a womanIs not in the clothes she wears, The figure that she carries, Or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a womanmust be seen from in her eyes, Because that is the doorway to her heart,the place where love resides. The beauty of a womanis not in a facial mole, But true beauty in a womanIs reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, The passion that she shows, And the beauty of a womanWith passing years-only grows!

~~ Maya Angelou ~~

WHAT IS A VIRTUOUS WOMAN

The word virtuous is derived from the "Hebrew word KHAH’-YIL chayil which means strong in all ways. It is further defined as strength, might, efficiency, wealth and army.

As I studied the role of women in the Old Testament, it became clear why a virtuous woman would have so many words to describe who she was.

She was responsible for preparing food and cooking for her household –

· Genesis 18:6 - And Abraham hastened into the tent unto Sarah, and said, Make ready quickly three measures of fine meal, knead it, and make cakes upon the hearth.

· Proverbs 31:15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.

She worked in the fields –

· Ruth 2:8 Then said Boaz unto Ruth, Hearest thou not, my daughter? Go not to glean in another field, neither go from hence, but abide here fast by my maidens:

· Genesis 29:9 And while he yet spake with them, Rachel came with her father's sheep; for she kept them

· Exodus 2:16 Now the priest of Midian had seven daughters: and they came and drew water, and filled the troughs to water their father's flock.

She not only made clothing for her family, but she also made the cloth –

· Proverbs 31:13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.

· Proverbs 31:22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.

To me the word might mean that the women of that era had the ability to do whatever was necessary in the care of her household and her family. Not only was she responsible for running her household, she as an astute businesswoman, negotiator and trader of goods.

She is a master buyer and an accomplished craftsman. She cares for those in her household and she diligently accomplishes her work. She is charitable, dignified and courteous. In other words, the Virtuous woman is an army of one.
More importantly, the Virtuous woman is a woman who is who the bride of Christ.

1 Timothy 3:11 - In the same way, their wives are to be women worthy of respect, not malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in everything.

TODAY’S WOMAN OF GOD

Today’s Woman of God has to be strong. We support so much in the body of Christ. Our traditional role as Christian women is to:

· Support our parents:

Exodus 20:12 - "Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the LORD your God is giving you.

Deuteronomy 5:16-"Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God has commanded you, that your days may be long, and that it may be well with you in the land which the LORD your God is giving you.

Matthew 19:19 - "Honor your father and your mother and "You shall love your neighbor as yourself."

When we are young and still living in the homes of our parents, we support whatever it is that are parents have given us charge over. Whether it's household chores, our schoolwork, helping with the care of other family members our siblings, our grandparents, etc. Our directive as children is to obey or be obedient to our parents.

When we grow up and are no longer under the care of our parents, we are still responsible for supporting them. Whether it’s to help them around their house, running errands for them, or doing whatever else they may require of us.

Esther 1:20 - When the king's decree which he will make is proclaimed throughout all his empire (for it is great); all wives will honor their husbands, both great and small."

1 Corinthians 7:10 - Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband.

1 Peter 3:1 - Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives,

When we leave our homes and take a husband, we are then to be supportive of him and his endeavors.

· Support our children:

Genesis 17:16 - And I will bless her and also give you a son by her; then I will bless her, and she shall be a mother of nations; kings of peoples shall be from her."

Titus 2:4 - that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children,

1 Samuel 1:27 - For this child I prayed, and the LORD has granted me my petition which I asked of Him.

God has gives us an awesome responsibility when he gives us children. As parents, we are responsible for their care and well-being. Supporting our children goes beyond what you can only see and touch. Supporting our children also means developing their minds, their spiritual lives, and the very essence of who they are and what they will become.

· Support ourselves:

Genesis 29:9 - Now while he was still speaking with them, Rachel came with her father's sheep, for she was a shepherdess.

Exodus 35:25 - All the women who were gifted artisans spun yarn with their hands, and brought what they had spun, of blue, purple, and scarlet, and fine linen.

1 Samuel 8:13 - He will take your daughters to be perfumers, cooks, and bakers.

Matthew 24:41 - Two women will be grinding at the mill: one will be taken and the other left.

As single women, we must learn to be strong for ourselves. Many of us are not yet married; separated, divorced or just plain old choose not to be married.

Often times as single women, we must support ourselves. We have to learn to take care of our finances, our own homes and even take on some of the more traditional roles of our male counterparts. It’s not unusual for us to mow the grass, make repairs around the house or even learn how to fix a car. As single parents, we must also learn to take over the duties and responsibilities of the father.

In addition to the family, we support our church, our communities, our extended families and a whole multitude of other endeavors.

1 Timothy 5:10 - well reported for good works: if she has brought up children, if she has lodged strangers, if she has washed the saints' feet, if she has relieved the afflicted, if she has diligently followed every good work.

Luke 2:37- and this woman was a widow of about eighty-four years, who did not depart from the temple, but served God with fastings and prayers night and day.

Mark 12:41-44 - Now Jesus sat opposite the treasury and saw how the people put money into the treasury. And many who were rich put in much. Then one poor widow came and threw in two mites, which make a quadrans. So He called His disciples to Himself and said to them, "Assuredly, I say to you that this poor widow has put in more than all those who have given to the treasury; for they all put in out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty put in all that she had, her whole livelihood."

Acts 9:36 - At Joppa there was a certain disciple named Tabitha, which is translated Dorcas. This woman was full of good works and charitable deeds, which she did.

Acts 18:26 - So he began to speak boldly in the synagogue. When Aquila and Priscilla heard him, they took him aside and explained to him the way of God more accurately.

Romans 16:2 - that you may receive her in the Lord in a manner worthy of the saints, and assist her in whatever business she has need of you; for indeed she has been a helper of many and of myself also.

Philippians 4:3 - And I urge you also, true companion, help these women who labored with me in the gospel, with Clement also, and the rest of my fellow workers, whose names are in the Book of Life.

DESCRIBING THE VIRTUOUS WOMAN

10Who can find a virtuous wife? - Strong in all ways, rare, priceless.
Who can find? Is a rhetorical question, (A question to which no answer is expected), asked for thoughtfulness. It does not mean that it is impossible to find a virtuous woman - it just means that they are rare.

For her worth is far above rubies.
Her price is far above rubies. A ruby is a very rare and costly gemstone. It is a rare thing to find a virtuous woman of God. She is a priceless gem.

11The heart of her husband safely trusts her; - She is Trustworthy, having all that she needs. The virtuous woman can be trusted. She has no need to do anything that goes against the word of God, her husband, her family or society.
So he will have no lack of gain

Having all sufficiency means that she has everything that she needs. All of her needs are taken care of.

12She does him good and not evil all the days of her life. – She is a woman of sterling character who is good to her husband. She is faithful to her husband all the days of her life and is good to him because he is a man of God just as she is a virtuous woman of God. They do not cause harm to one another. They are good to each other as partners in living the Word of God.

13She seeks wool and flax, and willingly works with her hands. - Ingenious, industrious, a hard worker. The virtuous woman is ingenious and industrious. In the past, she would make the family’s clothing. Today, most of us shop for clothing for our family. Most of us do the washing and ironing. We work hard caring for our families.

14She is like the merchant ships, she brings her food from afar. - Energetic, demands the best for her family. The virtuous woman of God does not settle for second best. She provides the best quality food for her family even if it means going to far lands to get it. How many of you get up early on Saturday morning heading down to the eastern market or suburban farmers markets. Standing in long lines, looking for the best quality while trying to save a buck or two. She is energetic and demands the best.

15She also rises while it is yet night, And provides food for her household, and a portion for her maidservants. - Not lazy, dutiful, compassionate. The virtuous woman of God is not lazy. She is devoted and caring. She gets up early and fixes food for her family and for those that work for the family.

16She considers a field and buys it; From her profits she plants a vineyard - Versatile, a good businesswoman, a provider for her family. The virtuous woman of God is multi-talented. She is a good businesswoman. She examined the value of the field, made the decision, and purchased it. She planted a garden and worked with her own hands to provide more of the best for her family.

17She girds herself with strength, And strengthens her arms. - Robust, healthy, works out, physically fit. The virtuous woman of God works out and takes care of herself. She is robust and healthy. She keeps herself physically fit.

18She perceives that her merchandise is good, And her lamp does not go out by night. - Attractive, exciting, God centered. The virtuous woman of God is attractive and exciting. She has a high opinion of herself. In other words, she loves herself. The candle represents God's presence in the home. She does not let the candle go out. She keeps God at the center of her life.

19She stretches out her hands to the distaff, And her hand holds the spindle. - Skillful, thrifty. The virtuous woman of God is skillful and frugal. She is able to make clothing for herself and her family. Okay, maybe not make clothing, who has the time or the energy after doing everything else? Again, today’s virtuous women know how to shop to get the best bargains for her family.

20She extends her hand to the poor, Yes; she reaches out her hands to the needy. - Merciful, charitable. The virtuous woman of God is merciful and charitable. In other words, she has compassion for others and is willing to give to those who are less fortunate than she is.

21She is not afraid of snow for her household, For all her household is clothed with scarlet. - Fearless, believes in abundance. The virtuous woman of God is fearless and she believes in having plenty. She cares for her household and makes sure they have adequate clothing to protect them from the cold.

22She makes tapestry for herself; Her clothing is fine linen and purple. - Refined, tasteful, sharp dresser and a good seamstress. The virtuous woman of God dresses sharply. She takes care of herself. She is a good seamstress, (there they go with that sewing thing again) tasteful - a refined woman. Silk and purple are the garments of royalty.

23Her husband is known in the gates, When he sits among the elders of the land. - A credit to her husband. The virtuous woman of God is a credit to her husband and her family. Beside a great man of God stands a virtuous woman of God. Because of her treatment of him, her husband is popular and is recognized as a leader in the land.

24She makes linen garments and sells them, And supplies sashes for the merchants. - Confident, skillful, helps provide the family income. The virtuous woman of God is confident in her abilities. She adds to the family income by using her skills to produce and sell clothing in today’s society, we have so many more skills and talents that just could not be conceived of when this particular passage was written.

25Strength and honor are her clothing; She shall rejoice in time to come. – Respected by others, strong. The virtuous woman of God is well respected by others. She is honored for her behavior.
26She opens her mouth with wisdom, And on her tongue is the law of kindness. – Wise, discrete, kind. The virtuous woman of God applies the knowledge she has with kindness. In other words, she speaks with kindness. Even in correction. She watches what she says. She is wise, discrete, and kind. In other words, she does not gossip, she knows how to keep a secret and she does not speak ill of others.

27She watches over the ways of her household, And does not eat the bread of idleness. - Good mother, not idle, not a busy body, practical, energetic.
The virtuous woman of God is a good mother. She takes care of her own house and is not a busy body. She is energetic and practical.

28Her children rise up and call her blessed; Her husband also, and he praises her: - Well respected, good wife, good mother. Her family respects the virtuous woman of God. Her children look up to her. She is a good wife and mother.

29"Many daughters have done well, But you excel them all." - The best of the best, honorable. The virtuous woman of God is the best of the best. The strongest of the strong. She is honorable.
30Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised. - Respects God, praiseworthy.

"Favor" is "beautiful speech.” Have you ever heard the term, charm the birds’ right out of the trees? It is like sweet talk without God at the center.” Beauty" is "perfect ripeness.” Vain" is "temporary.” Sweet talk outside of the Word is deceitful, and perfect ripeness is temporary: But the virtuous woman of God puts God first in her talk and in her life. She is praiseworthy.

While doing research on this topic, I came across a very interesting passage that was written by Wade Hodges. In speaking on the Virtuous Women in one of his sermons, he quoted another passage of scripture from the book of Proverbs. It was from the book of Proverbs, Chapter 11 verse 22. He used the NIV interpretation, which really drove the point home. Proverbs 11, 22 says, like a gold ring in a pig's snout is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion.

His interpretation stated, don’t get so enamored with the golden ring that you fail to see that it’s stuck in a pigs nose.” In other words, don’t let the beauty fool you. Beauty is fleeting, charm is deceitful, - don’t be led astray by such things.

31Give her of the fruit of her hands, And let her own works praise her in the gates. - Works at being a virtuous woman of God, bears fruit. The virtuous woman works at being a great woman of God, bears fruit, and is thanked by all; (Yeah Right), and recognized by the leaders in the land. (Don’t hold your breath.)

Now for those of you who are still with me, I’d like to thank you for not throwing things during this part of the lesson.

Remember, at the beginning of this lesson I said that a MAN who was giving his SON instructions on finding the perfect wife wrote this particular book of Proverbs. Now let me let you in on a little secret. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS PERFECTION. There is no such thing as perfection in a relationship or in life. It just does not exist.

This is not a derogatory statement about us as women but a realization that what we think to be true about everyone else but ourselves is not true about anyone. There is no such thing as the perfect wife or the perfect mother.

The attributes of which we have just finished reviewing are the blueprints for what we, as Christian women should be STRIVING to become.

The Marion Webster Dictionary gives us this definition of strive:
1: to devote serious effort or energy. Other words to describe strive are:
Do your best, go all-out, make every effort, and try hard.

When you get a moment, I urge you to read 1 Timothy Chapter 4. In this particular chapter, it talks about being faithful to your spiritual calling.

The passage that I would like to focus on for just a moment is: “ For to this end we both labor and suffer reproach because we trust in the living God, who is the Savior of all men, especially of those who believe.”

As Christian women, it is our responsibility as well as our duty to strive to become the women of God that we have been called to be. No one ever said it was going to be easy. In fact, the word of God tells us that as Christians, each of us will have our own cross to bear.

Philippians 3:14 tells us to always to press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Now I don’t know about you, but personally, I want to get to heaven. Amen.

LEARNING TO LOVE OURSELVES

Ladies, how many of you love yourselves? How many of you like yourselves just the way you are? Now don’t answer too quickly. Do you think you are too fat, too thin, too dark, and too light? How many of you color your hair, wear acrylic nails? Do you wear make-up? How about straighten or perm your hair? How well do you take a compliment?

Do you know that the majority of us suffer from self-esteem issues? I say us, because I am included in that number too. None of us is quite satisfied with who we are. There are things about us that we don’t like and possibly even hate. Why is that? If we don’t like us, how can we expect others to like us? Or do we try too hard to get others to like us.

When I sat down to write my story, one thing became very clear. Many of the choices that I had made and many of the things that I did, I did because I wanted people to like me. I wanted to be accepted. I wanted to feel as if I belonged. I didn’t want to feel like I was different or an outsider.

When I was a little girl, I had very bad teeth. My teeth had grown in double, two teeth sitting on top of each other. And to make matters worse, they were very soft, which meant that they broke easily.

Even though we had dental insurance, I did not visit the dentist until I was 13. That visit resulted in my having all of my front top teeth pulled and replaced with a partial denture. But backing up a bit, because my teeth looked different, I had to endure unmerciful teasing from the other children. The constant teasing and harassment caused me to become shy and withdrawn.

I later realized that all of the teasing and humiliation that I had to endure as a young child was part of the reason that I had always thought of myself as being ugly. I allowed others to judge how I felt about myself based on a physical flaw. How many of you can relate?

When we are born into this world, as little children we have no preconceived notions about how a person should look. We don’t judge others based on their skin color, their hair length, how tall or how short they are. We don’t look at another child and say, she looks different to me. We teach our children these things. A child looks at another child and says; hey, there’s someone my size I can play with. Good deal.

Sometime during our childhood, we start judging others by standards that, we have been taught. We start tearing down one another’s self-esteem. We create doubt in the minds of others on their worthiness. We start going along with the crowd. We start thinking like the crowd instead of thinking for ourselves.

Then, the more we grow up and move out into society, the more our self-esteem is torn down. Some of us who are older were told we couldn’t do certain things because we were a girl. Even in our own homes, we were reduced to a subservient role to our male relatives. It’s a woman’s job to cook, clean, serve the men. We aren’t smart enough to fix the car, paint the house, and cut the grass. That’s a man's job. How many of you were told these things growing up?

Then, when we got to high school, oh my God, it got worse. Being smart won’t get you a boyfriend. Being smart banishes you to the ranks of the social dead. Better worry more about how you look or you will never get a boyfriend let alone a husband. Gotta find a man to take care of you. I know I am not the only one who heard these types of speeches.

Self-esteem issues for those of us who happen to be African American women are magnified even more. Our hair is too nappy. Our noses are too big. Our buts are too big. Unfortunately, the slave mentality of our ancestors still exists today. How many of you have heard about this type of thinking?

Well let me explain a little further. Without getting into a long exhortation about the virtues of being, light skinned vs. dark skinned. Too often even, we tend to judge one another by how good our hair is. How light are skin is. How white or Caucasian we look. We have even started wearing colored contact lenses trying to make ourselves look European. Just think about that for a while.

How could anyone possibly love anyone as ugly as me? How could anyone be bothered with anyone as dark, big nosed, big lipped, big hipped and nappy hair as me. Gurl, and ya bet not marry someone who is as dark as you are. Two ugly people can only make an ugly child. Make sure his family has good hair.

So what do we do? We get all excited and consider ourselves lucky when the first thing that calls himself a man, expresses interest in us.

I mean, how can we expect other people to love us when we don’t even love ourselves? How can we expect other people to accept us when we don’t even accept who we are? How can you expect God to love you when you don’t even know what love is?

Now I am not saying that something is wrong with us making cosmetic chances so that we look better. I have acrylic nails, I wear make-up, and I have had dental work done. But I did these things to help me feel better about myself. Not for others.

It’s important that we feel good about ourselves. A few years ago when I turned forty, I mean in a few years when I turn forty, my theme for that year was “I am forty and fabulous. When people asked me how I was doing, my response was, I am forty and fabulous, don’t I look good? I said it and I meant it.

A few of my friends actually asked me how I had the courage to say something like that. They would never have the courage to speak those words aloud. Well I explained that if I didn’t say it and truly believe it, how could I expect that others would. I mean that’s how I truly felt.

You see, we have to learn to feel good about ourselves. We have to learn to have confidence in ourselves. We have to learn to start loving ourselves first.

When we don’t like ourselves, we are more likely to make bad choices. We are more accepting of self-destructive behaviors and self-destructive relationships. We will allow things to happen to us and say stupid things like “Well, I guess I deserved that or I couldn’t do any better”. We will allow others to treat us in a manner that is not becoming who we truly are, daughters of the most High King.

How many of you have made bad choice? How many of you have engaged in self-destructive behavior? How many of you have been in bad relationships? I know I have. When I was in school, I made the choice to hang out with the cool kids, smoke dope, skip class, and deny the fact that I was actually smart.

When I was a younger woman, I continued to do drugs, taking speed, snorting cocaine to keep my weight down. I was promiscuous calling myself looking for love. I dated someone who physically abused me. Why? Because I had low self-esteem.

Let’s take a closer look at self-destructive relationships.

When you have low self-esteem, you are more like to form unhealthy relationships. Do you know what to look for in a bad relationship?

INDENTIFYING UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

In an unhealthy relationship, one or both of you:

 Try to control or manipulate the other
 Make the other feel bad about her-/himself
 Ridicule or call names
 Dictate how the other dresses
 Do not make time for each other
 Criticize the other's friends
 Are afraid of the other's temper
 Discourage the other from being close with anyone else
 Ignore each other when one is speaking
 Are overly possessive or get jealous about ordinary behavior
 Criticize or support others in criticizing people with your gender, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, disability, or other personal attribute
 Control the other's money or other resources (e.g., car)
 Harm or threaten to harm children, family, pets, or objects of personal value
 Push, grab, hit, punch, or throw objects
 Use physical force or threats to prevent the other from leaving

Does any of this sound familiar to you? Can you see yourself or your mate in any of these situations?

Ladies, no matter what you have been told, these are not signs of normal relationships. There is nothing that you could ever do to deserve anyone treating you with anything but the utmost respect. If they do, then you better try to find a new relationship or if you are married, try to get some help.

BUILDING YOUR OWN SELF-ESTEEM

So how can you develop self-esteem? Begin working on yourself. Make a conscious effort to improve some things about you. You can start by:

 Ask for a list of things people like about you.

Sometimes it can be hard to find things we like or love about ourselves. So – ask
other people to tell you all the things they like about you. Ask a friend, a relative, a
therapist. This isn't a replacement for your own love; it's a first step in learning to
love yourself. You may need to hear the things other people like about you before
you can value them in yourself.

If hearing what people like about you is hard, ask your friends to write it down for
you, or leave it on your voice mail, so you can read/listen to it over and over. Go
back to it as many times as you can. Even if you don't believe that someone can like
a particular thing about you, or you don't believe it exists, trust that your friend
does see it and value it.
When you start to hear critical voices inside your head, go back to those things your
friend said/wrote about you, and remember that you are loved.

 Make a list of the things you like about yourself.

Make a list of all the things you like about yourself. Be as honest as you can.
Modesty doesn't help you here; neither do old critical messages. If you're having
trouble finding things you value about yourself think about the things you value
and love in your friends, then see if those things exist inside you, too. Most often,
they do.

Fill a special notebook with your list, or create a set of cards. Make the notebook as
beautiful as you can -- make it something that makes you feel good when you look at
it. Then open it up and look at it any time you're feeling down or critical about
yourself, or any time anyone says anything that triggers your criticalness of
yourself.
Look at this good-things-about-yourself book as frequently as you can. It may seem
silly, but repetition really does make a difference. (Just think of the impact one
critical phrase said by a parent over and over to a child can have. It really does have
an effect! Now try to give that child inside you at least one truly loving phrase about
yourself that s/he can hold on to.)

 Make it part of your daily routine to praise something in yourself or think about something you like about yourself.

In this society, we're taught that praising ourselves is selfish and wrong. But
praising ourselves for things that are good about ourselves only helps us. It is a
healing thing to do, something that nourishes our self-worth. When we love
ourselves, we're happier and more true to our own selves...and that happiness and
ability to be free spreads to others.
So...try to think of something that you like about yourself, or something that you did
today that made you or someone else feel good -- no matter how small it may seem.
Give yourself the kind of warm praise that you would a friend.

 Love yourself like a friend

Close your eyes and think of a person you deeply love and trust, and who you know loves you-- a friend, a family member. Think about all the things you love and appreciate about them. Notice how that love feels inside you, how it makes you feel good.
Now turn it around the other way -- be your friend, feeling that same deep love for you. Trust in their love for you, and just feel it. Let yourself see yourself through gentle eyes, with compassion and love the way your friend does, even if you can only do it for a moment. Now let yourself receive that love, the love you have as a friend to yourself. Feel the warmth move through you. Remember how it feels, and come back to that love another time.

 Make a note every time someone says something nice about you.

Every time someone tells you something about yourself that makes you feel good, write it down or make a mental note and jot it down later. When you get home, put that note in a container of "good things about me." Decorate the container however, you like. Keep on adding notes, and read them over every time you need a little boost -- and even when you don't feel like you do.

 Have compassion for yourself.

If you're feeling judgmental about something, you've done or said, try to understand where the judgment is coming from. Not the immediate, surface answer, but an answer deep down inside you. Are you afraid of something, or are you feeling insecure? Do you think you did something "wrong," or are you hearing the judgment of a voice from your past? Try to connect to that little kid inside of you who's feeling that way, and really listen to how she's feeling. Hug and reassure that kid, and let her/him know that she didn't do anything wrong, and that you love her/him. You can also think of a friend having acted as you did. Imagine how you'd feel towards them -- how you'd still love them and readily forgive them if there was anything to forgive. You probably wouldn't even find it bothersome! Try to feel that same love and compassion for yourself.

 Recognize that the love has to come from you.

If you're a survivor of child abuse or come from a dysfunctional family, you may still be waiting for a parent to give you the love and acceptance you never got as a child. But the kind of love you need (or needed as a child) probably isn't going to come from a parent who abused you or who looked the other way while you were being abused. But it can come from you. It can be hard to give it to yourself at first -- after all, if you didn't receive love as a child, or if some of that love was torn away from you by violence, self-hate may have built up inside you. But you have the courage and strength to love yourself, if you've survived this long. And you do deserve it!

So try to connect to that little child inside, that child who deserves all of your love and acceptance.

 Use Affirmations

I know this might sound corny - but if you hear good things about yourself over and over, you can't help but have some of it sink in. Write out strong, loving things to say to yourself, even if you don't fully believe them. Some examples are:

· "I utterly and completely deserve love and kindness,"
· "I am a very loveable person,"
· "I am kind, compassionate, intelligent, and wise." (Or) substitute the words for loving words that you feel best suit you.

Now put up those affirmations in places you'll see them every day -- on the fridge, on the bathroom mirror, on your bedside table, next to your favorite chair, on the kitchen wall next to where you cook your food or eat a meal. Don't forget to read them. If you're not comfortable having them up in such public places, then write out a bunch of them (or copies of a few) and put them in places you'll find them -- in your jacket or jeans pocket, in a book you're reading or a favorite book, in your desk drawer, in with your clothes. They're little love notes to yourself. In fact, you may want to do both things -- have them up and also hidden in places where you'll find them. When you read an affirmation, read it slowly, and really let yourself feel it. Don't just say it from memory. Try to let yourself be there as fully as you can. Recognize Self-Critical Messages -- and Talk to Them It's easy to let old, critical voices and messages that we heard as a child play over and over in our minds, without stopping them. Often we may barely recognize that they are there, or we don't really listen to them, we've heard them so often -- but they continue to impact how we feel and think about ourselves. Try noticing next time you hear a small (or very loud) voice inside your head criticize you. Be aware of what it is saying to you, and try to talk to it. Ask it why it feels it needs to say those things. Is that part of you trying to protect you, in some child-like logic? Or perhaps that part of you felt it had to take on the messages you heard as a kid. Remind that part of you that you no longer need to do that to survive. You are free to make up your own mind about yourself.

 Counteract Negative or Critical Thoughts About Yourself

Write down all the negative or critical thoughts and messages you hear inside your head. See if you can figure out who first said them to you (or said something of that nature). Then write out a response that counteracts each of those messages, one by one. Make the counter messages as strong and loving as you can. If you're having trouble writing out counter messages, see if you can connect to a deep, wise part inside of you. Or write out what you would say to a friend if a friend said those things about her/himself.

 Do Comforting and Nurturing Things for You

Allow yourself to do comforting and nurturing things for yourself. Let yourself feel how good you feel when you do those things -- and tell yourself that you deserve to feel that way, to feel good. Gradually you'll find that the more nurturing and comforting times you have, the more you'll seek them out -- and they will help build a good feeling inside you.

 Ask Yourself What You Need to Do

Some of these things will work really well for you, while others may not quite fit you. So try taking a moment to get quiet, and ask yourself, "What can I do to help myself feel more compassion and love toward myself?" Don't force an answer -- just let the answer bubble up from inside you. If you find it hard to hear the answer that way, try writing out your question, and then your answer. See what you come up with. You know best what works for you -- and you have great wisdom inside you. Above all -- have compassion for yourself and for where you're at. Remember that you are a truly loveable person -- and that you deserve only kind treatment, especially from yourself.
© Cheryl Rainfield, 2001

The most important thing of all that you can do to improve you self-esteem:

FORGIVE YOURSELF. God did, the moment you asked.

To the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him, we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. Ephesians 1:6-8. NIV

Too often, we continue to carry the guilt and the sins of our past. We try to forget or pretend certain things didn’t happen. We are afraid to admit to ourselves and certainly not to others, that we did certain things.

Well my sisters, I have just about done it all. I have sinned. I have been hurt and in the process, I have hurt others. I have lied, cheated, stole, committed adultery, and blasphemed, cursed and even committed murder. Yes, abortion is murder.
I hurt my mother and my father, my sisters, numerous friends and even played a major role in the breakup of my marriage. However, there is one thing that I had to realize. I had never forgiven myself for all the wrong things that I had done to myself.

I was born the bastard child of a fifteen-year-old mother. I was too dark, too ugly, and had bad teeth. I slept with another’s husband. I have told so many lies, that if I were Catholic, I wouldn’t be able to say enough hail Marys' from now until the end of my days to atone for them.

I was sexually abused as a little girl and never told. I allowed Satan to use me because I didn’t love ME enough to stop him.

But you know what? When I began to realize what I had done, when I took a long hard look at myself through the eyes of God, I was able to see my wrongdoings and ask God to forgive me. And you know what he said?

Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven--for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little." Then Jesus said to her, "Your sins are forgiven."

Luke 7:47-48And that’s when I started to heal and realize that there was still hope that I might become a Virtuous Woman!

THE TRUTH ABOUT PERFECTION

Ladies, look around you. What do you see? You see a roomful of successful and happy women, don’t you? Or is that what you want to believe? When we see other women in our lives, especially those who appear to be in loving committed relationships we want that too, don’t we?

We look at our mothers, our grandmothers, our pastors and our first ladies and many of them have been married for what seems forever. I know my pastor and his wife seem to be deeply in love with one another. Even after being married for over 30 years.

Now I don’t know a lot about their personal lives, but one thing that I can say with total assurance, is that it hasn’t all been peaches and cream. There have been some not so wonderful moments in their relationship.

You see, every marriage, your parents, grandparents, even those people that you read about in the paper who are celebrating fifty years of total bliss, have had moments in that marriage where they didn’t like each other very much. Sometimes that dislike might even border on hating their spouse.

However, they have endured the tests of time because they were committed to God and committed to making their marriages work. They realized that the world didn’t revolve around them as individuals. They realized that there has to be compromise. They were willing to overlook certain faults. They realized that they couldn’t change their spouses, only God could. They realized that in order to have a happy, healthy marriage and family, they had to make God the center of their lives.

Ephesians 5:22 - 33 gives us very specific instructions on how we are to treat our spouses.
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church– for we are members of his body.

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery–but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

And you might as well throw in Colossians 3 verses 18 through 20; Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

and 1 Peter chapter 3 verses 1 through 7; Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.

For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

Now it’s time to talk about us single women. Now I won’t ask how many of you have never been married. There is something I want to ask is how many of you unmarried women are still virgins? Does that question make you uncomfortable? Well it should. Since there is nothing we can do about our past, let’s talking about our present and our future.

Many of you would like to believe that it’s important to find out how good your man is in bed before you decide if he’s someone, you may want to marry someday. In this day and age, too often we decide to sleep with a man almost as soon as we meet him, even before we know anything else about him.

Yes, I did say we. I too have been caught up in the moment. And I will be honest with you; the passion does increase, as we get older. We are all too willing to give men our greatest gift, ourselves, before we even find out is he going to be the man who will become our husbands.

We go through men like we do pantyhose. We try them on and find out if they fit or not and then discard them when we find a snag or a run in them. Now many of you may want to say, that God’s view on the sanctity of the marriage bed in outdated. Well you may believe that to be true.

However, the reality of our sleeping around, is that it’s just another excuse that we use to feed into our low self-esteem. It’s another excuse for allowing men to take advantage of our essence. Our spirit and our souls. Our very hearts.

The Lord only wants us to love one another in the truest sense. Too often, we confuse lust with love. It’s just another way that we are destroying ourselves, our families, our value systems.

We give men excuses for not being faithful to us. Too many of us are willing to compromise our bodies and ourselves for a moment of pleasure. Is a moment of pleasure worth risking being separated from God for all eternity?

Ladies, how many of you read fairytales growing up? How many of you noticed that the girl always got her prince charming and lived happily ever after? Well have I got news for you. Life is not a fairytale. Stop waiting for your prince charming. He ain’t coming.

Now this may sound contradictory, but we have to learn to take care of ourselves. Even those of you who are married. Some may argue this point and say that it goes against what God says about being submissive to your husbands, but in essence, when we learn to take care of ourselves, we are taking some of the burden off of our husbands.

Now this is not an excuse for your husband to neglect his responsibilities, nor is it a reason for you to try to rule over your husband. It is only for the well-being of you, your husband and your household that you are able to handle your families business. It is only for the well-being of your husband that you be able to stand in his place in his absence.

Ladies, for those of you who are not married, who else is going to take care of you? Your parents? Your boyfriend? Who? Reality check. You may never get married. There will come a day when you have to move out of your parent’s house, and/or the day will come when your parents will not be able to take care of themselves. We must learn to be independent.

Know one wants a woman who can’t do anything. No one wants a woman who has to be taken care of. You are not that cute. Even if beauty got you a husband remember, beauty if fleeting. Would you want to wake up at the ripe old age of fifty and realize that you do not know how to take care of yourself and that you are all alone.

The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down. Proverbs 14:1

COMPARING TODAY’S WOMAN TO THE WOMEN OF THE BIBLE

Many of us believe that what we women of today are experiencing is a new thing. We think that sin; adultery, prostitution, abuse, neglect, the hurt, anger and every other negative situation is something new that just started. We are the only ones who have had to deal with cheating spouses, wayward children, jealousies, being lied on, and talked about, being mistreated and being misused.

We are the first ones that have had to raise our children as single parents without enough resources to support them or ourselves. We are the first to be left broken, bitter and bruised. We are the first ones who have had to make a choice to follow the world or to follow Jesus. We are the first ones who have been tempted because of unfulfilled hopes and dreams. We are the first ones to be without hope, full of despair with nowhere to turn.

We are the first ones to be ridiculed for our beliefs, our principles, and our desire to follow Christ. We are the first ones to go against the word of God in our pursuit to find love, to fill a void in our lives. We are the first ones to make the wrong choices that have led to years and years of pain and anguish. We are the first to pray and pray about our situations and circumstances and our prayers seem to go unanswered.

Well, as I began to study the women of the bible, I realized that every single thing, every single situation that we are dealing with right here, right now, has already been dealt with by these very same women of the bible.

Hannah was barren and prayed and prayed for years to God to give her a child.

But to Hannah he would give a double portion, for he loved Hannah, although the LORD had closed her womb. And her rival also provoked her severely, to make her miserable, because the LORD had closed her womb. So it was, year by year, when she went up to the house of the LORD, that she provoked her; therefore she wept and did not eat. Then Elkanah her husband said to her, "Hannah, why do you weep? Why do you not eat? And why is your heart grieved? Am I not better to you than ten sons?" So Hannah arose after they had finished eating and drinking in Shiloh. Now Eli the priest was sitting on the seat by the doorpost of the tabernacle of the LORD. And she was in bitterness of soul, and prayed to the LORD and wept in anguish.

1 Samuel 1:5-10

Lot’s wife was destroyed because even though God showed her mercy and because she was covered under the grace of her husband through Abraham, she couldn’t turn away from the sin she had grown accustomed to.

But Lot's wife looked back, and she became a pillar of salt. Genesis 19:26

The Samarian woman that Jesus met at the well who went from one relationship to another. She was shacking up with a man. She was willing to be scorned and ridiculed by everyone around her, for the sake of having a man. Living with a man. Even a man that was not her husband.

The woman answered and said, "I have no husband." Jesus said to her, "You have well said, "I have no husband,' for you have had five husbands, and the one whom you now have is not your husband; in that you spoke truly." John 4:17-18.

Naomi had allowed her heart to become bitter and blamed God because of the circumstances of her life. Losing her husband and her only two sons and being left alone in the world with nothing.
"Don't call me Naomi, [Naomi means pleasant; also in verse 21.]” she told them. "Call me Mara, [Mara means bitter.] because the Almighty [Hebrew Shaddai; also in verse 21] has made my life very bitter. Ruth 1:2

Gomer, a woman who had been a prostitute who was redeemed at the request of God and married a prophet, becoming an upright member of the religious community and a mother. Only to turn back to her sinful ways, committing adultery and once again becoming lost in a world of degradation, abuse and abandonment.

When the LORD began to speak through Hosea, the LORD said to him, "Go, take to yourself an adulterous wife and children of unfaithfulness, because the land is guilty of the vilest adultery in departing from the LORD." So he married Gomer daughter of Diblaim, and she conceived and bore him a son. Hosea 1:2-4

Mary, mother of Jesus, who was faced with being ostracized from the community because she wasn’t married and was with child.

This is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be with child through the Holy Spirit. Because Joseph her husband was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly. Matthew 1:18-19

Mary and Martha, two sisters who were at odds because one was seeking Jesus and the other complaining. One looking for approval for her work and the other seeking God’s word.

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:38-42

Mary Magdalene, the adulterous woman who became a disciple of Christ, in spite of her circumstances.

There is no textual evidence to be found that supports the idea that Mary Magdalene (hereafter referred to as "MM") was a prostitute. The leading theory is that Pope Gregory the Great, perhaps reflecting what was already popular opinion intentionally changed her identity. The person of MM was conflated with those of Mary of Bethany and the anonymous sinner of Luke who anointed Jesus' feet. With that in mind, it is often assumed that the "sinner" who anointed Jesus' feet was a prostitute, and the connection is made. ~ Lesa Bellevie

Jezebel. A woman who was deceitful and manipulative. A woman who wanted things her way, no matter what.

Jezebel is a figurative and spiritual name for us. She is a whore and a witch whose spirit endures in the church by taking over the vineyard of the Lord. She covers her face with make-up to appear more attractive. The wife of Ahab had introduced the abominations of Astarte worship into Israel. Jezebel slew the prophets of the Lord, hiding others in a cave with bread and water. She led her husband into the same idolatry and fed the prophets of Baal at her own table.

She was a woman eventually destroyed by the very government she herself corrupted. The word of God came to Elijah and called him to show himself to Ahab and it would rain. The prophet came out of nowhere, stirred the righteous hearts and the priests of Baal were put to death by the people.

Jezebel is referred to as the corrupt woman, the mother of harlots and abominations of the earth. It was not Elijah alone but Jehu the anointed King over Israel that sought out the prophets of Baal and slew them, avenging the blood of the prophets. This king dealt Jezebel the deathblow by having her thrown down from the wall. In the end, Jehu did not follow the laws of the Lord with all His heart but it shall not be so with us.

You are under the law of love and are among the overcomers, if in fact you are among the remnant. We may not be the Elijah to come or even a prophet but under our heritage, we are kings and priests. It is up to the church to become the spotless Bride in these last days and cast out the false prophets, we have the right and the power; we need but have the resolve to appropriate this power as the chosen remnant.

In Thyatira, the Jezebel spirit was and is introducing these same vile practices into the Christian church. By attaching herself to the Christians and manipulating them, she is insisting on the right to teach and practice licentious indulgence and claiming inspiration for her teaching. Those in the church that despise prophecy and forbid the true prophets to speak are under the influence of the Jezebel spirit. They may not have actually killed the prophets but by not allowing God's free operation to speak through His ministers, they kill the spirit that speaks through Him, thereby introducing the confusion of Babylon and the false teaching and doctrines of demons that identify a divided church. Even the true prophets among the apostate church will be hidden and not allowed to feast upon the richness of spiritual meat. Those under her influence will despise true prophecy, entertain the false prophets and attack those with true spiritual authority.

Not all Thyatira pastors accept this teaching and this stinging rebuke is not for those that have not reached into Jezebel's satanic depth. Judgment is given according to the works of those under the Jezebel spirit. The words against them are delivered from One "with eyes like fire and feet like brass." Without repentance, the sin of fornication, idolatry, worldliness and schismatic confusion will cause tribulation and the death of the children who commit adultery with her.

Different demons have different names. The Jezebel demon spirit entices God's servant to fornication and adultery. Jay Atkinson for the Latter Rain

The widow woman whose house Elijah went to who only had a sick son and enough flour and oil for one last meal. A woman who had enough faith, to listen to a prophet of God. A woman who trusted God.

So she said, "As the LORD your God lives, I do not have bread, only a handful of flour in a bin, and a little oil in a jar; and see, I am gathering a couple of sticks that I may go in and prepare it for myself and my son, that we may eat it, and die." And Elijah said to her, "Do not fear; go and do as you have said, but make me a small cake from it first, and bring it to me; and afterward make some for yourself and your son.

For thus says the LORD God of Israel: "The bin of flour shall not be used up, nor shall the jar of oil run dry, until the day the LORD sends rain on the earth."' So she went away and did according to the word of Elijah; and she and he and her household ate for many days. The bin of flour was not used up, nor did the jar of oil run dry, according to the word of the LORD which He spoke by Elijah. 1 Kings 17:12-16

These are just some of the example we have looked at. Do you see yourself or anyone you know as these women? A woman who wants so desperately to have children. A woman who may be on her way to salvation but just can’t seem to turn away from her past life. A Woman who goes from man to man never marrying any but shacking up with them all. Maybe you know an older woman who has become bitter because of the tragedies in her life. She’s outlived everyone around her and is mad at the world.

Maybe you know someone who has accepted Jesus Christ as their personnel savior. Living the life of a Christian for many years until, something happens that sends her into a tailspin and causes her to lose her faith. How many unwed mothers do you know? Who do you know who is constantly working at the church or in service to the Lord but always complaining about how much they do and know little everyone else is doing. Or how about the woman who used to be the biggest sinner of them all, but has totally given her life to Christ.

But there is one woman here that we all see each and every day. Even in the church. Jezebel. A woman who wants what she wants, when she wants it, how she wants it, whenever she wants it, no matter what. She doesn’t care who she hurts along the way. She doesn’t care about stepping on others or even ruining the lives of others.

She preaches the word of God but still fornicates. She talks about who’s sleeping with whom and she herself is probably sleeping with someone else’s husband. She will take what she wants, not because she needs it but rather because you have denied her, she will show you and take what she wants anyway.

But one of my favorite types of women are the women who don’t have anything but God. They share with you no matter how little they themselves have. They aren’t trying to see what everyone else is doing or what everyone else has, her only concern is that she remains faithful to God no matter what is going on around her. Even when she has only enough for one more meal, when God says give it away she does. Do you want to know why? Because she trusts God enough to accept what ever he has for her.

She trusts God enough not to become concerned about tomorrow, or even what may lay in wait at the end of the day. When the man of God spoke, she became submissive to his word and did all that he asked. And then you know what happened? God poured her out a blessing she didn’t have room enough to receive.

WHAT TYPE OF WOMAN ARE YOU? (WOMEN OF CHARACTER)

Identifying negative traits and characteristics is a necessary process in order to improve upon our relationships with others. This is essential if we are to become all that God wants us to be. Our character is what we are.

Webster’s dictionary defines character as the combination of emotional, intellectual, and moral qualities distinguishing one persons or group from another. A description of one’s attributes traits or abilities.

Finally, for the purpose in establishing our position; character, moral or ethical strength, helps us to define our own integrity In other words, integrity is what we uphold and believe as our value system.

Essentially, we could say that the fruit of the spirit; the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, is our roadmap to exhibiting positive character traits. Some of the positive character traits that a godly woman will exhibit are; politeness, modesty, quietness or meekness. She will be industrious, honest, wise, and knowledgeable and can be obedient.

She is generous, sincere, merciful, brave, and courageous. She can be frank, grateful, have a sense of humor, and be earnest. She is respectful, devoted and has a gentle spirit.
Now some of you may believe that some of these are signs of weakness but in reality, these are all Christ-like attributes.

Psalm 34:2 -My soul shall make its boast in the LORD; The humble shall hear of it and be glad.

Psalm 37:11 - But the meek will inherit the land and enjoy great peace.

Matthew 5:5 - Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.

2 Corinthians 10:5 - We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

The Bible teaches us to bless people with the 5A's of Acceptance, Affection, Appreciation, Approval and Attention.

1 Timothy 1:15 - Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners–of whom I am the worst. Acceptance

Deuteronomy 7:6-8 - For you are a people holy to the LORD your God. The LORD your God has chosen you out of all the peoples on the face of the earth to be his people, his treasured possession. God’s Affection for Us. Affection

Psalm 106:1 -Hallelujah! Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His faithful love endures forever. Appreciation

Galatians 1:9-11 - Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ. Approval

Psalm 66:19 - However, God has listened; He has paid attention to the sound of my prayer. Attention

As Christian women, we have all heard of the seven deadly sins. They are Gluttony, Sloth, Greed, Pride, Lust, Envy, and Wrath/anger. The way we harmfully project ourselves unto others expands upon these seven and leads us in another direction, negative character traits. How we relate to others as human beings, but even more, how we relate to each other as Christians, has a definite impact on our relationships.

My list of negative character traits is a bit longer than the positive traits previously listed because I believe that we need to take a closer look at them and confront them in order to change them.

We all know women who are vain, manipulative, judgmental, pushy, stubborn, bitter, jealous, haughty, materialistic, lazy, angry, or helpless. Some may be distressed and are waiting for someone to rescue them. Maybe they are deceitful, corrupt, or non-accountable. So often, it is easy for us to see negative behavior in others, but rarely do we see those same harmful traits in ourselves.

When we accept Jesus Christ as our personal Savior, we are supposed to change. Too often, many of us take some or our old selves into our new role as Christian women. We cling to and hang on to some of our old behavior. We cannot see how our old ways may be hindering our relationship with God. We may be preventing others from reaching their goal of salvation.

2 Corinthians 5:17- Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.

I have often seen negative behavior exhibited right in the middle of God’s house. I have often seen my sisters (and brothers) in Christ use their so called salvation and close the door in the face of someone who has come seeking answers in the house of God. I have seen the faces of non-believers as their hearts have been hardened by the treatment of those who have loudly professed themselves saints of God. I have seen how we have lost a brother or a sister to Satan because of our actions and our attitudes towards those who just wanted to find a friend in Christ but met one of us instead.

Romans 14:12-14 - So then each of us shall give account of himself to God. Therefore, let us not judge one another anymore, but rather resolve this, not to put a stumbling block or a cause to fall in our brother's way.

Our character rather, should be one that is based on the second commandment that was given to us by Jesus. “Love your neighbor as yourself. In other words, treat others the way you yourself would want to be treated. The words we speak as well as our actions towards others should always be tempered with our own feelings in mind. In other words, how would I feel if someone else was treating the way I am treating her/him. Would I be offended if someone spoke the same words back to me?

The word of God teaches us that one day we will have to be accountable to God for our actions. We should never hinder others who are trying to take that Christian walk. We will be accountable if we cause someone else to stumble because of our actions.

As Christian women we have to stop being cold and uncaring. No one has the right to be rude just because someone does not dress like us or act like us. Even when someone may not know the rules of your church, does not give you the right to crass in your correction. Just because others may have treated you wrongly in your past, does not give you the right or the authority to mistreat someone else. Ladies, lets stop and look at ourselves. Remember, when you point a finger at someone else, four more are pointing back at you.

As professed Christians, let us always take a moment and examine how we are treating others around us. We are ambassadors for Christ. Always remember, that not everyone may be at the same level in his or her Christian walk. It is your responsibility to reach back and pull someone else forward to where you are, not block his or her path.

Remember, God did not save you for you. God saved you for himself.

Hebrews 9:14 - how much more shall the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered Himself without spot to God, cleanse your conscience from dead works to serve the living God?

CONCLUSION

Ladies, stop allowing the world to define who you are! Too many of us are listening to the wrong types of music. Too many of us believe what we see on television. Too many of us have taken the world’s value system and made it our own.

Our first desire should still be that virtuous woman that is highly regarded in the bible. We should want to be a loving wife, mother, and most of all handmaidens to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. We should want to be that respected elder of the church, that reveled servant of God, upright and outstanding member of our church community. We should want to be regarded with the love and respect of our saved brothers in Christ.

Our problem is, that because of unfulfilled dreams, past hurts, and low regard for ourselves, we have become that fallen woman, that woman who Jesus met at the well. That Jezebel, that scorned woman that was so despised in the bible.

We have to stop being brainwashed into believing that we are not worthy. We women are not worthy of the love we receive from mortal men and certainly not worthy of God’s love. We must stop believing that whatever life dishes out to us we must accept it.

We have to stop believing that God will understand and overlook our little indiscretions. That a moment of pleasure will wipe out a lifetime of longing, past hurts, and loneliness.

We must realize that no matter how we try to justify our wrongs, say that the rules have changed, make excuses for ourselves, we can never find our way home. We will continue to be like the prodigal son, lost in a far country, eating with the hogs.
It’s not until we say enough!

I am a daughter of the most high King, and even if my Prince Charming doesn’t come along to rescue me, I am okay, because I have a prince from the kingdom of God. The one and only true love of my life. He has given me more than mortal man could ever give me. Not diamonds, pearls, furs, or money, but respect of self, love of family and most of all, the love of God.

We must come to the realization that happiness is not found in bed or in the arms of that mortal man who whispers, I love you as we give him our ultimate gift, ourselves. We must take a stand and say that I want to live my life the way it is suppose to be. I don’t just want any want any man in my life. I want a man who respects God first, me, and the sanctity of his family. I want a man who is the head of his home.

I want a man who realizes that I am not his maid, bed warmer, child breeder, cook, personal bank account, chick on the side, baby’s mama, baby’s mama’s drama, freak, chickenhead, whore, hoodrat, or booty call, then and only then can we be happy in a relationship.

Then and only then can we become the wives and mothers, raising our children the way God wants us to that we will truly be happy. And if we find that the man of our dreams is just that, a dream, it’s okay. God loves me anyway.

Ladies, if we don’t stand and be that virtuous woman that God wants us to be, our world won’t get any better. Our relationships won’t get any better, and our children won’t learn to grow and be the men and women of God that he wants them to be.

We as women of God must learn to first love ourselves enough to stop accepting just any old thing. We women must learn to forgive ourselves, accept our mistakes and move on.

My prayer is that in taking this spiritual walk with me and seeing the reflection of yourselves and other women in your lives that we will start to see some of the mistakes that we have made, correct them, and move on to a more righteous way of living. I pray that you will let go of the past and start your healing Today!

God has forgiven me about things that most men or women wouldn’t. God has shown me mercy in situations where some people couldn’t. God has continued to bless me despite Me!

As I end this lesson but not my story, I would like to say that I have become that virtuous woman of the bible. Sadly, I have not. I find that living the life of a virtuous Christian woman is a daily struggle.

I would like to say that I don’t get lonely or feel sad about not having that perfect man in my life. The whole purpose in today’s lesson was to say that there is no perfect man. There is no perfect woman. I have accepted that there won’t be a prince charming galloping up on his white horse to save me.

I would love to say that my heart doesn’t ache sometimes from the loneliness I often feel at not finding my true helpmate. No, I haven’t found that man of my dreams. Nevertheless, I continue to ask God for guidance in everything that I do including learning to be patient and waiting on him.

I once read somewhere that each time a woman sleeps with a man; she leaves a part of herself behind. That it is not possible for us to have a sexual relationship with someone and walk away untouched. I believe this to be true. In our quest to find happiness and acceptance in our relationships, we lose a part of ourselves each time a relationship ends. We move a little further away from God and further out into a far country.

There may be someone who’s wondering how a woman with such a sordid past could speak on virtue. It is because of my past and God’s mercy in my life that empowers me to stand up to the scrutiny of the church and tell my story.

There will be people who thought they knew me who will look at me a little differently because of what I have revealed here today. As long as I can stand before my creator and know that it is only his opinion of me that matters, then it really doesn’t matter what my fellow Christians may think.

I am not trying to pretend that I am something that I am not. However, I will still try to become that woman in the bible as I continue to fight against my personal temptations, sins, and old habits each and every day. I still have self-esteem issues and don’t quite feel worthy of the new grace that is given to me each and everyday. I know there are still times when I disappoint my heavenly father. But what I will say is this I WON’T STOP TRYING! I pray each and every day that God will strengthen me and allow me to grow in my faith just a little bit more.

Each of us must learn from our past mistakes, correct them, and go forward with a new commitment to live right and abide in the word of God.

My purpose was not about trying to place blame or guilt in anyone’s heart, but to show that no matter who you are man or woman, saved or unsaved, there is still a chance for change. Every single one of us has a chance at redemption.

No matter what past relationship issues you may have been faced with, you can’t stop trying. No matter what past hurts you have experienced, you must show forgiveness. No matter what sins you have committed, they are in your Past! Today is a new day. Full of fresh Grace and Mercy!

Know that you are not alone and your problems are not unique to you alone. Everyone and I do mean everyone has to struggle against relationship and life issues. How you choose to deal with them is up to you. None of us is perfect. We have all done things in our past that we can be ashamed of and that have caused ourselves and other much pain. I urge each one of you to find forgiveness in your hearts not only for others but for yourselves as well. None of us is perfect.

Remember that life is just a journey. A journey to the other side. As with any cross-country race, you will find yourselves in and under a plethora of different circumstances and conditions. There will be times of extreme joy and pain. A life filled with both love and heart wrenching loneliness. There will be mountain top highs and valley deep lows. A life filled with tears of happiness and tears of sorrow.

There will be times when you may feel that you are doing everything right and times when you feel you are doing everything wrong. That no matter what you do, you just can’t catch a break. Other times will feel like you can do no wrong.

Some hurdles in life you will overcome with very little effort, and other hurdles that you just can’t make it over. As my friend Ron would say, I’m going for the gates. No matter what stands in my way, I’m going for the gates. In running life’s race and in making this journey we must keep in mind that we are going through, TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE!

REMEMBER, YOU ARE A VIRTUOUS WOMAN OF GOD. A RARE AND PRECIOUS GEM. KNOW YOUR WORTH!


RECOMMENDED READING

Deal With It - Paula White

Woman Though Art Loosed (Healing the Wounds of the Past) - Bishop T.D. Jakes

A Woman’s Guide to Spiritual Warfare - Quin Sherrer

A Purpose Driven Life - Rick Warren

A Woman’s Guide to Breaking Bondages - Quin Sherrer, Ruthanne Garlick

Value in the Valley - Iyanla Vanzant

Acts of Faith - Iyanla Vanzant

No More Sheets - Juanita Bynum